Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
Whatcha textin bout Willis?
how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
he payed over $300 just to break into the hotel pool and skinny dip alone for 5 minutes and then peace in a cab. and all he had to say for himself was "gotta go swimming, gotta live life"
where do u find these people!?
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
Randomize
