if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
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