Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
Randomize
