So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
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