Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
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