before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
Attn: you have now used your free, one time admission to pleasure town. Thank you for visiting I hope you enjoyed your trip. All future trips to P.T. Will cost you full admission price. We have different pricing plans to accommodate different situations, and remember it is more of a bartering system than a set price. Your patronage is always welcomed and once again thank you for visiting and have a fantastic evening.
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
Randomize
