waiting in line for my ID. the kid in front of me reaks of hopes and dreams and hornyness-- freshmen by calvin klein
The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
Randomize