i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
Randomize