I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
Honestly, It follows the same rules as Cock Roulette.
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
Randomize
