I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
it glows. i had to have it.
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
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