I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
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