You're completely useless in the revolution.
I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
Randomize
