I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
Randomize
