i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
I just recommended that the library purchase the first major hentai with tentacle porn. Really, I'm doing everyone a favor.
Randomize
