well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
Randomize
