im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize
