Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
Randomize
