can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
sooo i think when i get back from rothbury i should probably take a pregnancy test
but you would be showing by now. i'd just save the money and wait for a large crap in 6 months that starts crying. then you'll know.
I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Randomize
