I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
Randomize