She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
Randomize
