Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
going to class early so i have time to go on the moonbounce. this is why i go to art school.
No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
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