Dual, econ, hell, shiv, aunt, puppy. 1 out of 6. T9 word needs to learn how to cuss like me.
dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
Just discovered Kim Possible porn. Life is now complete.
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
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