It smells like weed.
We are in Boulder, Everything smells like weed.
My phone auto-corrects smirnoff to poisoned. I think it is trying to tell me something.
he said he got tested two months ago... he goes with his whole family.
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
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