Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
If I had your ass I would rule the world
Randomize
