And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
Randomize
