Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
Best orgasm I ever had! I though we totally connected and I asked him to stay over. He went back to the sigma chi house and returned with his blankie and a 40. please help
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
Randomize