You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
sent the pic of my tit to the wrong bbm chatroom
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
Literally had sex in his grow room under a plant.. ganja queen .
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
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