Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
Randomize
