I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
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