This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
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