make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
areolas are like halos for boobs.
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
What the hell do you do when your fuck buddy leaves to go for a piss naked and 20 minutes later hasn't come back and can't be found anywhere in the house or outside but has left his phone, tee shirt and shoes in your bedroom.
I don't think there is a pre defined social etiquette for a lost naked fuck buddy now roaming the streets.
Randomize
