He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
Randomize
