Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
Randomize
