ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
this just has baby written all over it
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
Randomize
