i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
i think i scared a bird with my dick
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
I would reevaluate a bf who is happy with other guys doing me.
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
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