She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
I have grass duct taped all over my body
Thank you for not boning my boss.
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
Randomize
