I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
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