you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
Randomize
