Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
Sex in the backyard? Check.
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
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