dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
so exactly what is concert sex etiquette? Before, during or after???
all of the above
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
Randomize
