dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
only if we run a train.
done.
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
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