There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
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