I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
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