non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
Ok everyone, the frat server is slow because of the 11 TB of porn on there. Either clean out your partition by Sunday or it will be erased. Thanks for your help.
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
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