3 different guys in my psych class know me as 3 different names and said hi to me with all 3 different names-Andrea, Grace, and Bella
I've never been more proud of you
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
Randomize
