The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
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