If that was your dad, he is hot
Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
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