the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
We all have our weaknesses that drive us crazy. We happen to have one in common, 21 year olds. Your secrets safe. Touch his penis.
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
My liver just had a heart attack.
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
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