just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
Randomize
