"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
you kept typing in answers.com, why are the state police calling my house, expecting an answer
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
Randomize
