I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
love makes seman taste better
We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
Randomize