All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
It was close. I was the girl scoping out where all the garbage cans were located in the class just in case.
This is why you don't heavily drink before 2 midterms.
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
Randomize