The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
Randomize
