i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
Just a warning... Flip, sip, or strip always ends in all participants being naked. Learning from experience.
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
I think I just sharted jello shots
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
Randomize
