I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
Randomize
