Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
Randomize
