Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Randomize
