I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
sometimes i wish i had a whole other life to spend on youtube
I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
we should paint friendship bongs
Randomize
