how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
I am ina trunk. Iam in a trunnnnnjkk. I hope its yours. Oh manomanomano. Thids better be your trunk
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
Randomize