the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
I just saw Ann slam dunk her puke bag into a trash can on Avenue A. You ladies might want to consider putting the Patron shots down and going home.
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
Randomize
