You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
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