stupid gm bankruptcy made me miss the showcase showdown
Those cock suckers. We need to know who's winning the hot tub and the vacation to the alps
i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
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