hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
Myspace is for pedophiles and tweakers in the 818 trying to hook up. I always forget theres music there too
We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
you inspire me to be a worse person
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
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