Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
OH MY GOD I AM DYING. AS I WAS TEXTING I JUST BUMPED INTO A MOTHER FUCKING DEER. I AM SHAKING
Wait...Literally? You hit a deer...with your body?!
I PHYSICALLY RAN INTO IT. I FELT ITS WEIRD HAIR AND I EVEN APOLOGIZED CAUSE IT DINDT REGISTER THAT IT WASNT A PERSON. MORTIFIED.
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
Randomize
