i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
Green mimosas i think yes
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
Randomize
